Remember all the antics and excuses you used as a kid to delay your bedtime? “Just 10 more minutes.” “I’ll go to bed as soon as this show is over.” “But I’m almost finished with this game.”

As it turns out, more and more of us are using the same stall tactics as adults. Now, it’s a phenomenon called revenge bedtime procrastination.

What Is Revenge Bedtime Procrastination?

Put simply, revenge bedtime procrastination is intentionally delaying your bedtime in favor of other things, like watching movies, scrolling social media, reading or spending time on a hobby.

Why Is It Called Revenge?

A deeper dive into this phenomenon suggests some profound emotional and psychological ties.

People who purposely put off going to sleep often do so because they feel like they lack control during the day. After 12 to 14 hours or more at the mercy of a packed work schedule, a long list of household chores (we’re talking to you, moms) and a calendar chock full of family commitments, they fight back for “me” time.

What’s Wrong with Wanting “Me” Time?

Nothing. It’s the timing that’s the issue.

A 2018 study published in Frontiers in Psychology found people have many pursuits they want to engage in every day – most commonly eating, media consumption and leisure activities. But we often skip out on those desires because our busy schedules won’t allow it.

The more activities people said they missed and the more times they resisted the temptation to do them throughout their waking hours, the more they purposely put off bedtime to try to fit it all in – even when they are tired.

“People use revenge bedtime procrastination to carve out some time at the end of the day when they feel in command, time to do what they wish they could have been doing during the day,” says registered nurse and BSC sleep expert Terry Cralle. “That’s the ‘revenge’ part of the equation. But by self-sabotaging their sleep, they’re ultimately taking that revenge out on themselves.”

How Common Is It?

Based on the number of recent medical research studies and increased amount of discussion on the topic, revenge bedtime procrastination appears to have become more prevalent since COVID-19 and has blurred the different parts of our days even more than usual.

Is It Really That Bad?

Though scrolling social media or catching up on your favorite TV show might seem like a good way to decompress after a long day, these mindless, nonproductive pastimes actually add to your stress and anxiety and even jeopardize your health when they cut into the restorative rest your brain and body need. The blue light from all your screens disrupts your biological clock, making your body think it should stay awake; you end up ruining your productivity the next day and perpetuating a cycle of fatigue.

Bottom line: It’s not something you want to become a habit.

How Can You Avoid It?

“It’s important to make time during the day for yourself, so you won’t be so tempted to undermine your sleep at night,” suggests Cralle. “Prioritize your health just like you would an important meeting or appointment.”

Do you think you’re a revenge bedtime procrastinator? If so, there are several healthy habits you can incorporate into your everyday life, so you can still get that quality “me” time and reduce the urge to stay up past your bedtime:

• Walk it off or do some yoga. Step away from your computer at lunch for a healthy meal, a walk or even gentle yoga. Even a short walk can positively impact sleep quality, can get your blood moving and help your body feel ready for sleep, while yoga can help relax the mind and body.
• Take breaks. Schedule a daily 15-minute break during your waking hours for light meditation or even a power nap.
• It’s all about “work-life balance.” If you’re working from home, try to wrap up your duties at a reasonable time, making a clear distinction between work life and your personal life.
• Consider setting a media curfew. Power down all of your screens (laptop, TV, phone) at least an hour before bedtime to avoid blue light stimulation that can keep you awake. You can even set a “bedtime alarm” to help remind you that it’s time to turn in.
• “No” can sometimes be the answer. It’s OK to say no. Don’t overcommit yourself for nonessential things. Delegate what you can to make more time for yourself. Find ways to share some of your burdens with family or friends.
• Schedule sufficient sleep. Get sufficient sleep every day of the week and use a bedtime alarm to help keep you from staying up past bedtime.
• Sufficient sleep provides “me” time. A well-rested person gets more done and does it better than a sleep-deprived person. Since sleep has numerous benefits for health, well-being and quality of life, you may just start considering it to be the ultimate “me” time.

Sources:

• https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20201123-the-psychology-behind-revenge-bedtime-procrastination
• https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2018.00252/full
• https://www.cnn.com/2021/02/15/health/revenge-bedtime-procrastination-wellness/index.html
• https://www.health.com/condition/sleep/revenge-bedtime-procrastination

This blog provides general information about sleep and sleep products. The words and other content provided in this blog, and in any linked materials, are not intended to replace a one-on-one relationship with a qualified healthcare professional. This blog should not be construed as medical advice or used to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any disease or condition. If the reader or any other person has a medical concern, then he or she should consult with an appropriately licensed physician or other healthcare professional. This blog is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, and should not be relied upon to make decisions about your health or the health of others. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this blog or elsewhere on bettersleep.org. If you think you may have a medical emergency, then immediately call your doctor or dial 911.

According to research fielded by the Better Sleep Council (BSC), poor sleep is closely correlated with feelings of isolation. Unfortunately, poor sleepers may struggle even more with emotional loneliness in the coming weeks because so many holiday traditions call for gathering with family and friends.

The Sleep-Isolation Association

The State of America’s Sleep study asked individuals several questions related to sleep quality. Based on their answers, we assigned them a Sleep Index score. While one in three (33%) American adults earn a score that qualifies them as excellent sleepers, more than half (56%) fall into the poor sleeper category.

A deeper dive into the data looked for other traits common to poor sleepers that are not prevalent in other sleep groups. It turns out, poor sleepers have a greater difficulty establishing interpersonal relationships and navigating social situations – which ultimately leads to feelings of loneliness and isolation.

Poor Sleepers Have a Tough Time Connecting

According to BSC research, nearly half of poor sleepers (46%) wish they had more friends. Contrast that with 61% of excellent sleepers reporting that they enjoy deep, meaningful relationships with people outside of their family. Poor sleepers are also 1.5 times more likely than excellent sleepers to say they want to go out, but don’t have anyone to join them.

“How connected we feel to our fellow humans affects happiness, but it also impacts physical health,” said Ellen Wermter, board-certified family nurse practitioner. “Those who are lonely and more socially isolated have higher mortality rates. The BSC surveys show that poor sleep and loneliness go hand in hand, findings that are consistent with previous research on sleep and relationships. Those reporting difficulty with their sleep were more likely to also report struggling to initiate and maintain friendships. Strong social bonds are imperative to health and well-being.”

Poor Sleepers Aren’t Merry Makers

Whether it’s Thanksgiving dinner with extended family or the obligatory office holiday party, poor sleepers are apt to struggle in a group setting. Research reports poor sleepers are 1.77 times more likely than other groups to have difficulty in social situations.

Everyone has probably experienced a time where they were surrounded by people, but still felt alone or isolated. This is a regular scenario for poor sleepers. The additional exposure to social functions during the holidays can amp up the stress.

Social Media Doesn’t Help

It would be easy to think social media could help lonely people feel more connected, but it’s just the opposite. The study linked using social media just before bed to loneliness – people who report feeling isolated are 12% more likely to check their social channels than other sleep groups.

“Most of us can relate to being irritable and less tolerant of others when we’ve experienced a rough night, added Wermter. “Mood changes from poor sleep create distance between us and those around us, conflict and anxiety. Social media use close to bedtime only seems to intensify the problem. These findings suggest that sleep quality makes a difference in how isolated a person feels. Poor nights happen to everyone from time to time, but good sleep habits and a comfortable sleep environment create more consistent sleep patterns.”

If distance keeps you away from family or friends during the holidays, social technology like video chat, can be useful to help you stay in touch. However, staying up to scroll pages and pages of other people at holiday parties will only lead to feelings of FOMO and screen time just prior to sleeping could lead to insomnia. Try limiting your screen time at least an hour before bedtime and avoid checking your phone once you’re in bed.

Celebrate the Holidays with Sleep

While you won’t probably won’t wake up and suddenly have a crowd of new friends or feel instantly compelled to karaoke “All I Want for Christmas” at the next colleague happy hour, a good night’s rest on a comfortable mattress and a consistent bedtime routine, will help you get the most out of the season.

Consistent, restful sleep can work to quell negative feelings, and change perceptions about yourself and how you relate to others. That’s true during the holidays and throughout the year.

This blog provides general information about sleep and sleep products. The words and other content provided in this blog, and in any linked materials, are not intended to replace a one-on-one relationship with a qualified heath care professional. This blog should not be construed as medical advice or used to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any disease or condition. If the reader or any other person has a medical concern, he or she should consult with an appropriately-licensed physician or other health care professional. This blog is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, and should not be relied upon to make decisions about your health or the health of others. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this blog or elsewhere on bettersleep.org. If you think you may have a medical emergency, immediately call your doctor or dial 911.

Methodology

2,000 surveys were fielded between April 10-18, 2019, among a representative sample of U.S. adults (age 18+), using a questionnaire lasting approximately 15 minutes. Sample size provides a confidence interval of ±2.19% at 95%. The sample was provided by Dynata, one of the largest online sample providers in the country.

Respondent Profile

Sleep Index

Analysis was conducted to establish a Sleep Index (SI) that can be used to track America’s sleep quality over time. The SI is calculated using the following questions:

Q2. On average, how would you describe your sleep within the past two weeks?

Q7.  Within the past two weeks, how often have you felt the following when you wake up in the morning?

The multiplicative index was scaled so the average score is 100. The index was used to create three groups, as depicted below, for analysis purposes.

There is a Strong Relationship Between Quality of Sleep and Quality of Interpersonal Relationships and Loneliness

People Who Feel Isolated or Have Difficult Interpersonal Relationships Tend to be Worst Sleepers:

• Adults who agree (completely or somewhat) that they wish they had more friends represent 46% of poor sleepers / 36% of excellent sleepers (Index 90)
• Adults who agree (completely or somewhat) that they have a difficult time in social situations represent 39% of poor sleepers / 22% of excellent sleepers (Index 74)
• Poor sleepers are 1.77 times as likely to have difficulty in social situations
• Adults who agree (completely or somewhat) that they would love to go out, but have no one to go out with represent 36% of poor sleepers / 24% of excellent sleepers (Index 82)
• Poor sleepers are 1.5 times as likely to want to go out and not have anyone to go out with
• Adults who agree (completely or somewhat) to having a difficult relationship with their spouse/partner represent 16% of poor sleepers / 9% of excellent sleepers (Index 81)

Conversely, People Who Do Not Feel Isolated or Have Strong Interpersonal Relationships are More Likely to be Excellent Sleepers:

• Adults who agree (somewhat or completely) that they have a great relationship with their spouse/partner make up 77% of poor sleepers / 88% of excellent sleepers (Index 110)
• Adults who agree (somewhat or completely) that they have deep, meaningful friendships with people outside of their family make up 54% of poor sleepers / 61% of excellent sleepers (Index 107). While the Index is not quite 110, it is very different than the Index among adults who disagree (somewhat or completely) (Index 83).
• Adults who agree (somewhat or completely) that they enjoy spending time with extended family make up 59% or poor sleepers / 67% of excellent sleepers (Index 105). While the Index is not quite 110, it is different than the Index among adults who disagree (somewhat or completely) (Index 81) and the difference in percentage between poor and excellent sleepers is statistically significant.
• Adults who agree (somewhat or completely) that they enjoy meeting new people make up 45% of poor sleepers / 55% of excellent sleepers (Index 109)

Other Studies Discovered That Lack Of Sleep Causes Loneliness

Lack of sleep has been identified as a cause of poor socialization, isolation and loneliness in other research as well. A recent study (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5791747/)  suggests that when people sleep poorly, they are less accurate at judging other people’s expressions, quicker to rely on stereotypes, and are more susceptible to social stressors such as rejection and relationship conflict.

Another study (http://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.888.3314&rep=rep1&type=pdf) found that increased relationship conflict and decreased conflict resolution can occur due to poor sleep. This study suggested that people are less empathically accurate after a poor night of sleep, affecting socialization and relationships.

Who Is More Socially Isolated In America?

Methodology

Two items were used to identify those who were feeling isolated (based on review of the data/ correlations/dimension analysis):

I wish I had more friends.

I would love to go out, but I don’t have anyone to go out with.

Those who gave a top 2 box response on either item were identified as isolated.

• Those who are isolated are more likely to be female (55%) compared to those who are not isolated (47%)
• Younger generations
  • Those who are isolated are more likely to be age 18 to 34 (39%) compared to those who are not isolated (27%)
  • Those who are isolated are more likely to be Gen Zs, 18 through 22 (11%) compared to those who are not isolated (6%)
  • Those who are isolated are more likely to be Millennials (35%) compared to those who are not isolated (28%)
• Single (never married). Those who are isolated are more likely to be Single (never married) (37%) compared to those not isolated (27%)
• Heavy users of social media, particularly at bedtime:
  • Those who are isolated are more likely to check social media before bed (39%) compared to those who are not isolated (31%)
• Struggle with finances:
  • Those who are isolated agree (somewhat or completely) that for the most part they live paycheck to paycheck (55%) compared to those who are not isolated (44%)
  • Those who are isolated agree (somewhat or completely) that they generally have enough money to pay only for necessities (54%) compared to those not isolated (42%)
• Sleep poorer:
  • Those who are isolated are more likely to indicate they often or frequently have trouble getting back to sleep when they’ve woken up at night (32%) compared to those who are not isolated (26%)
  • Those who are isolated are more likely to indicate waking up tired often or frequently (58%) compared to those who are not isolated (44%)
  • Those who are isolated are less likely to indicate rarely or never waking up refreshed (45%) compared to those who are not isolated (39%)

Who Is Less Socially Isolated In America?

• Those who are not isolated are more likely to be male (53%) compared to those who are isolated (45%)
• Older generations
  • Those who are not isolated are more likely to be aged 55+ (39%) compared to those who are isolated (26%)
  • Those who are not isolated are more likely to be Boomers (33%) compared to those who are isolated (22%)
• Those who are not isolated are more likely to be married (48%) compared to those who are isolated (38%)
• Those who are not isolated are more likely to be retired (26%) compared to those who are isolated (15%)

Sleep Better:

• Those who are not isolated are more likely to indicate they never or rarely have trouble getting back to sleep when they’ve woken up at night (38%) compared to those who are isolated (29%)
• Those who are not isolated are more likely to indicate never or rarely waking up tired (30%) compare to those who are isolated (18%)
• Those who are not isolated are more likely to indicate often or frequently waking up refreshed (34%) compared to those who are isolated (28%)

Survey Details: Better Sleep Council November 2019